Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"