i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
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You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
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Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers