this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.