he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?