Got a toothbrush?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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