Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She told me I should be a condom model.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious