I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
