No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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