I want to make a zoo with you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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