ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
