I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
