turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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