if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
