my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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