i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
