Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
