Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize