Nicole vs. Life
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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