i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
