how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
