her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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