My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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