i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
