call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
