Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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