haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize