1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
