There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
