god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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