She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He passed out mid-signature
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
