i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
