hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
