Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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