Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
