If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
But theres a keg here and me gusta
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
