There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
