Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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