I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish i was in the wii world.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
