Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
