Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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