turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
