Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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