so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
