I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
