the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
