Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?

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  (203): I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon? http://tfl.nu/6yeo
  Replies (34) Good night (4475) Bad night (2424)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar

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  (740): They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar http://tfl.nu/y62m
  Replies (10) Good night (4770) Bad night (649)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.

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  (208): Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge. http://tfl.nu/9q10
  Replies (24) Good night (4004) Bad night (504)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well

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  (757): I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well http://tfl.nu/14t6
  Replies (7) Good night (4440) Bad night (1220)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.

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  (513): sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things. http://tfl.nu/e6ox
  Replies (36) Good night (9244) Bad night (1073)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.

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  (404): I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid. http://tfl.nu/v3pa
  Replies (9) Good night (4369) Bad night (912)
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  (760): View more from California

  I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.

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  (760): I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned. http://tfl.nu/ynjo
  Replies (7) Good night (939) Bad night (3340)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day

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  (303): I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day http://tfl.nu/oxlv
  Replies (2) Good night (2341) Bad night (820)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic

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  (570): please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic http://tfl.nu/e8z4
  Replies (5) Good night (544) Bad night (2112)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?

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  (989): Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics? http://tfl.nu/kwmb
  Replies (10) Good night (2869) Bad night (682)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing

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  (417): After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing http://tfl.nu/he4t
  Replies (11) Good night (1062) Bad night (349)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.

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  (561): jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect. http://tfl.nu/vkgr
  Replies (2) Good night (808) Bad night (283)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs

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  (410): True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs http://tfl.nu/odrq
  Replies (2) Good night (563) Bad night (870)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?

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  (514): Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew? http://tfl.nu/9nvu
  Replies (2) Good night (251) Bad night (488)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus

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  (647): I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus http://tfl.nu/qs6l
  Replies (1) Good night (195) Bad night (297)

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