I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.