Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno