people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
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Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.