Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
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He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
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Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.