I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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