my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
