Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
