Define "chronic" masturbator.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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