i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
