sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
