im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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