I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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