her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
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those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
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You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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