She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
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i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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