The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
