To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
