worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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