One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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