I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
