Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
