Taylor Swift is so right about you.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
