Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
