First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
