the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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