i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
