He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
