using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
